Because I’m Me: Take 2

I told you in the post a few months ago that things sort of just happen to me that are awkward and embarrassing, and….well….that hasn’t changed. It’s all part-in-parcel to being me.

As you can probably guess…something embarrassing happened again. I was on the set of Reign on Thursday, a great show that I am very happy to be a part of, and I had what I will call a wardrobe malfunction. The dress that they gave me to wear was slightly too big for me, so it didn’t fit tightly enough, and it was quite long. Because of the length I had to lift the skirt to make sure I didn’t drag the dress while walking, but when I would do this the clasps in the back of the dress would pop open. I explained the problem and was supposed to be sown into the dress to ensure it stayed closed. The wardrobe assistant decided, however, to lace up the corset instead of using the clasps, which ensured that it stayed closed. That seems to be a reasonable solution right? Wrong. The corset part may have stayed closed, but the bottom of the dress did not.

While heading to set with about 100 people behind me, lifting my dress to make sure I didn’t trip and the material didn’t drag, I heard running behind me and someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was then informed by this kind person that the back of my dress was completely open and my butt was completely exposed. To make matters worse…I was wearing bright pink panties…cheekies in fact, so my exposure was very noticeable and eye catching to the 100 people behind me. I was so embarrassed and had to spend the rest of the day around people who had seen my butt. Wardrobe was sympathetic and spent time safety pinning the entirety of the dress, which they should have done from the get-go. Oh well. When in Reign right? To top that all off, this was my very first day on this set, a set that I am supposed to be on for continuity, which means I will be going back regularly. Now, though, I will only be known as the girl who had her butt hanging out. That sounds about right. Oh how fun it is to be me. On the bright side, at least people on that set are probably not going to forget me any time soon. 

 Let's just pretend it was a Monroe moment.

Get Your Butt in Gear Girl!

My excuse, like usual, for not writing sooner is that I have been really busy. Now that this Disney movie is done and Degrassi is on hiatus, I am finding myself with more time, time that I hope to use to write. This same excuse has in fact always been my excuse not to write: “I don’t have enough time” or “I’m too busy.” Why am I making this excuse? The majority of people, regardless of how busy their lives may be, find the time to do the things they love, so why not me? Even when I was unemployed and sitting at home all day with plenty of time on my hands, I wasn’t writing. I’ve had well developed ideas for years now of what my first novel will be, but I don’t seem to discipline myself to sit down and write it.

I am venturing to determine that this is not simply a matter of laziness or a lack of will on my part, although those may indeed factor in, perhaps instead these excuses stem from fear. When I was in school and writing it was always just for fun, but now that school is finished and I am trying in some form or another to make a career out of it…there is a notion that this is for real now, and that means that I can fail. And yet, perhaps while in school I never took my writing seriously not just because I was busy with school work and couldn’t focus enough on developing my craft, but because I have been scared all along of failing at what I want to do most with my life. However, if you never try, then you’ve already failed.

Of course, like anything you are trying to get back into, you need to ease back into it. When I take a break from yoga and decide to go back, I never jump into a 3 hour moksha class, I start again at home to re-train my muscles and then take shorter classes and work my way back up to where I was before. Like my atrophied muscles, my writing craft is perhaps a little out of shape. So, I am proposing a challenge for myself to help me get back into the swing of things: a 30 day writing challenge. Although I will probably start this sooner, my idea is to force myself throughout the entire month of September to write something every day. Since I can’t even dedicate myself to my blog every day, this will actually be a challenge.

I have come to two conclusions: (1.) that I have been thinking this story through in my mind for far too long and it is far past time that I get it down on paper, and (2.) that I can’t really call myself a writer if I’m never actually writing. I am certainly not naïve enough to believe that I can get a rough draft of a novel done in a month, but if I can even get a few good chapters underway then perhaps the task at hand won’t seem so daunting. It is time that I get my butt in gear and turn my thoughts into something tangible, and since I already have connections at a literary agency that I can send a draft to, getting something down on paper for them to see is the next logical step and it may be just the right step I need to take to get closer to where I am trying to go. I will try to keep this blog updated on my progress as the month goes on. Wish me luck and success!   

 

Now is the time for fun, I'll figure out the rest as I go

Things have been crazy busy for me for a change. It’s been a nice change though. I signed on with a background agent and have been getting work every day. I spent most of last week filming a Disney movie, and then I did one day on Degrassi. I also had an audition for a commercial through my principle agent that went quite well. I’m starting to feel a lot less stressed about money. Now the challenge is to find time to still do all of the work needed for these internships as well as the background work. I do admit though, It’s been a wonderful feeling leaving the house for work every day. I’m also already confirmed for 3 days this week (Tuesday to Thursday), so it seems like things are going to be steady for a while; such a relief. This week I’m going to have to become nocturnal, since I have evening shoots from Tuesday to Thursday. It’s going to be interesting. I should be trying to sleep right now actually so that I have energy later on tonight. I attempted to stay up last night and sleep all day today, but I didn’t quite make it. After the shoot tonight though I will come home and crash and then I’ll maneuver myself into “night shift” mode. What I’m wondering about is whether I’ll end up doing the evening on the movie set and then the day on Degrassi on Friday. It would end up being exhausting, but probably a good way to re-set my clock. I guess we’ll see how that goes.

The work is definitely something I’ve been very thankful for. I’m also really enjoying the social aspect of it. It’s been fantastic meeting so many new people instead of sitting at home every day applying for work and feeling lonely. I think my circle of friends has tripled in the last month. Despite the early morning calls and late evening wrap times, I am having the time of my life. I spend almost every day laughing and just having a good time. I’ve definitely needed more of that in my life. Keeping busy also helps to distract me from the things that aren’t exactly working out right now, but it’s a very welcome distraction.

The other blessing lately has been my family. I actually spent the long weekend at home with my family and had a great time. We ended up having a bbq with some extended family celebrating my cousin’s graduation, and it was really nice to all be together for that. I was able to spend time with my other cousin, he husband, and her beautiful baby boy – which always proves to be a good time – and even spent some quality girl time chatting and shopping with my mother and my aunt. I am learning more and more that family is something very special and not to be taken for granted. These are the people that will be in your life no matter what, will love you no matter what, and will be there for you when you need them (for the most part). As crazy as they can make me sometimes, I appreciate them so much, especially now.

All in all, I would say that I’m just taking things one day at a time and enjoying them. I may not have an understanding or a feeling of direction and purpose, which was a primary factor in my unhappiness before, but I am starting to realize that’s ok. Things have sort of just been happening lately, things I haven’t planned myself, and they have been good. I’m not sure when I’ll actually get into my field, but as for right now I’m going to enjoy the ride. Who knows where this road will lead. I've spent way too much time worrying and stressing, and really for what? I want to enjoy my life instead of worrying and stressing my way through it. So now is the time for fun and enjoyment, since I'll never have this chance again once I do have that full-time job. The rest will figure itself out, or I will figure it out as I go....but I'm not going to worry about it now....I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Ultimately, when it's all said and done, all I want out of my life is for it to be a happy one, and if I can learn to be happy in whatever circumstance I'm in or with whatever I'm doing, then my life is fulfilled.