After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
So here is the latest update on the career front:
I've been very invested in networking as of late, going to every possible Elle Canada magazine event that I can. If you recall, I went to an event back in December and was able to have a nice long and encouraging talk with one of the beauty editors, Vanessa Craft. Well, it turns out that I did make some sort of impression, because she remembered me. Now, it is possible she remembers me because I had a long conversation with her and I'm a familiar face that keeps showing up to these events (that's what I hope), but it can also be quite possible that she remembers me because I'm the crazy girl who tried to add her on LinkedIn and sent her a message saying it was wonderful meeting her, and then months later sent a message saying I was hoping I would see her at last week's event. Hmmmm, well I'm going to choose to accept that it is the former and not the latter, since she came up to me smiling and said it was good to see me again. If it had been the latter, she probably would have avoided me at all costs right?
And this little scenario taught me a valuable lesson: It's all about how you see it and what you make of it.
As of late, as many of my close friends and family will attest, I've been going through a pretty bad 'down time.' I'm not going to kill the mood by throwing out the scary words like depression, but I always explain, when asked how things are going, that I'm doing well, been having my ups and downs, such is life. I will admit it's been a lot more down than up lately, but I'm always optomistic that if I keep trying as hard as I do, I will propel myself upwards again.
But being down is really a matter of how you are seeing things and what you are making of your situation. The doom and gloom of living a life of unattained dreams is bound to get to any human being from time to time, sometimes even make you lose sight of who you are, what you are capable of, and what you are striving for. I was at one of these points, even telling people that I wasn't sure that I could succeed at anything anymore. What if me thinking I'm good at writing has all been in my head? Regardless of writing awards, a full scholarship to complete my MA, and my countless internship positions where I was told how good my writing was......somehow, this poison seeped in. I spent some cliche days lying in bed not wanting to get out.....yeah, it was really that bad. And not just because of a seemingly non-existent career dead-end, but because of my serious lack of a personal life and an active social life too.
One of these days, while I was lying in bed pittying myself (and completely conscious of the fact that I was doing so) a friend asked me point blank "so what are you going to do about it." I love my friends, my really close friends, because they never sugar coat things. Tough love is indeed love, and I think that it is sometimes the best way to show that you care. Anyway, I realized that I was upset about my situation and thought that I was working to change it, but really, what I needed to change the most was my frame of mine: how I perceived the situation and what I was going to make of it. One of my biggest pit falls has actually been being selfish. I know, what a shocker! I go to networking events thinking about what they can do for me, not how I am going to contribute and open up an equal exchange, and I get upset about opportunities that don't pay and don't seem to be much different than all of the other experience I already have on my resume. Two things are wrong with this scenario: I am thinking about me, what I get out of this, and I'm thinking that I'm entitled, that after all of my education and work experience I should be in a full time paid position in my field right now. These two things will only ever lead to significant unhappiness and a spiralling circle that get you absolutely nowhere. It's not always easy to fix, but I've already tried to change my mindset and I plan to go to the next networking event and not ask for something: for an editor to tell me about how they got their start, to offer me advice, to see that I am amazing and really want an job.....instead, I'm going to offer something, perhaps help with the next event, what ever it may be.
The way that I have been thinking is nothing but toxic poison that robs you of life's happiness. This was made clear when I belittled my latest opportunity, sucking all of the hope and happiness out of it. I was recently hired on with Fusia magazine to be an Editorial Assistant. I jumped at the opportunity, because it is in fact the title I want in the field that I want. But then, I started doubting that this was a great opportunity because it didn't seem to get me further ahead (meaning I'm still in my day job because the pay is only 1 months rent for each issue, and we only publish two print issues a years....so this is all done on my own time). Because it wasn't a way to move out of my current job and full tine and permanently into my field, I started seeing this as another unpaid internship, and look how far those got me. But as I was lying there in my bed of misery, I realized.....I was originally excited about it, and it's going to keep me writing so I have something to keep my portfolio up to date and relevant, among many other things, and it's going to look good on my resume (the only magazine experience that doesn't say intern beside the title) and will most likely help me secure another Editorial Assistant position. Going even further than that, who's to say that I can't be the one to help turn this magazine into a monthly print issue and an even more reputable publication? So, while I saw this as yet another one of the same situations, I put limits on what I would get out of it and on myself and what I could do for it or bring to the table. That is never a good frame of mind. In order to be successful at anything, you need to ignore the glass ceiling and be willing to shatter it.
Regardless of how I may have felt at the time, looking back, in all of my internships I made a lasting impression. I am a hard worker and I'm good at what I do. I received some confirmation of this when I got a reference letter from my old boss and editor at Fashion Weekly. I was touched by some of the things she had to say about me. And my relationship with my old editor from Uncharted Sounds, one that has blossomed into a fantastic friendship long after the work relationship is over, speaks for itself. I've also learned valuable things about my abilities and about the industry I'm trying to break into from all of these positions. I'm still not an advocate of unpaid internships, but I will say that at this point I am confident about my abilities to not only do the job at hand, but to excel at it, because I already have in the past. This may seem like a small statement, but this is actually quite important, because one of the reasons I was so down was because I lost my confidence in myself . When all of your accomplishments seem to be in the past and it feels like the present is full of failures and rejections, it's understandable that you may feel no longer equipped to succeed, and there's nothing more damaging to a person's success than that. Dare to dream and dare to be confident in that dream. The only person who can make you give up is yourself.
I feel like I could go on and on about this, but I won't.....any more than I already have. No one wants to read that much. But for those who read this blog to feel a connection to the struggle, I will just leave you with this. When you feel completely stuck and like there's no way out, think to yourself....am I doing absolutely everything that I could be doing right now to make the most of my present situation? Have I learned everything I need to learn from this situation? Have I given back as much as I've expected out? It's all well and good to look ahead, but there are so many things that you need to do in the present first. Just because you can't see exactly yet how it fits in, doesn't mean it won't end up to be an integral part of your career path. Aside from giving me office experience, my administration position has given me valuable insight on networking and the job application process, and it has allowed me to start a blog, which looks great on my resume and helps the company (remember, what you can do for the company not what the company can do for you).
Perhaps this new Editorial Assistant position is the key to unlocking some of the doors in my way, and maybe it isn't, maybe it will be just one more thing to add to my already very long resume, but that doesn't mean that I can't get absolutely everything I possibly can out of it and offer just as much back. My first step is to blog for the magazine too and increase their online presence and social media traffic. I'll let you all know how this pans out.
