Waiting on God, Part 2 - You Are The Potter, I Am The Clay

Above all, this time of waiting was necessary to help shape me. It did this by deepening my relationship with and reliance on the Lord, and allowing me to better discern his voice so that I could know what he was telling me.

Preparing me for Service

I beleive that these lessons that I have learnt and am still learning in my current state of waiting are also preparing me for service. 

I have a heart to serve the Lord, but I have the type of personality to get completely absorbed in what I do. I give my 100% or nothing at all. This can be a good quality, but it can also become a problem. In order to be able to serve the Lord, he needs to first teach me how to be still and how to hear his voice, and to engrain it within my mind and lifestyle how important these moments are for my spiritual life and my relationship with him. 

I couldn't really serve him until I took hold of this, because without these moments I will not be able to hear him speak to me and guide me. If I become absorbed in service and so busy with things to do that I am not taking these quiet moments to be alone with God, then my relationship with him begins to suffer and my ability to hear his voice and understand his guidance also begins to suffer. I think it can be very possible to get so absorbed in what we are doing for the Lord that we stop personally hearing him guide us.

I also know that I have the type of personality that tends to like to distract herself. I needed to first be sure that I wasn't getting invovled in any type of service as a way to distract myself from any particular need or want - I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I also needed to learn the valuable lesson from two posts ago, to find all of my fulfillment from God alone and my relationship with him, and not from service itself. This goes back to a blog post months ago when I talked about the call of God (the call of God is a call to know him, while service is a loving expression of that call - to want to serve the person most dear to your heart).   

I also needed my concept of service to change as well. The closer I get to him and the more I learn of him and of who he is, the more I want to serve him. I have always looked for ways to serve the Lord with the gifts that he has given me, but these have been self-motivated. It was me saying "Lord I would like to serve you, and here are the ways I would like to do that," instead of me being before him, on my knees asking "Lord what would you have me do, how do you need me to serve you right now?"

I was beginning to be discouraged with my ability to serve here in Germany, since the language barrier is still a big problem for me. Of course I knew that prayer is always a needed service, and so I served and still serve in this way daily. But I didn't want this to be the only way that I served. I very readily wanted to help out with our Kindertag and children's camp here, and Sunday school...what ever opportunities arose where I could be of some kind of help. I began to doubt, however, how much of a help I could really be. I couldn't really speak much to the kids, I couldn't help lead bible discussions, I couldn't even help lead the singing. So I ended up cleaning bathrooms, washing tables, whatever I could do that didn't require much of me. And I felt like I wanted to be used more, in a bigger way, a better way. But those are human constructs of service, not God's concept of it. 

Although I have been able to take a more active role as the months go by and my German improves, this service of washing tables actually taught me an important lesson about service in general. Service can be in the little things as much as it can be in the big things. As long as you come to it with the right attitude and heart, it is something that you are doing for God. And when we can humble ourselves to do something menial, God works in us to develop our heart and spirit to serve him in other ways. Like Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, sometimes what God is calling us to do is to take the lower place. So if all I can do right now is make the hot chocolate and sweep the floor, then you better beleive that I am going to put as much effort and love into that hot chocolate and to clean the floor as best as I possibly can. Once we are faithful in the small things, then he will equip us for the bigger things.

I have often noticed, too, that God tends to have to take baby steps with me. And he likes to go over the same lesson over and over again with me until they are properly learned and I have been molded in a certain way. Or perhaps I never learn the lesson the first time around, that could be completely true too. But I frequently get the feeling that he is molding me like clay in his hands. Every day he is carefully working out the small imperfections, and continues to shape me into a vessel fit for his use. He picks at the same imperfection over and over and over again on a daily basis until he has removed it from me. The more of these moments that we have where he has complete control to mold us into what he wants us to be - the best version of the vessel that he wants us to be - the more we can be used for his will. And the more that I allow him to change me into the person that he wants me to be, the more that I allow him to fit me to his perfect plan.

So, the most important part of this waiting of mine has not been to teach me a lesson of first being content befor he is willing to give me another blessing or to try me or test me (it's not like I earn the blessing from learning a lesson), but instead it has been a very necessary period of time and a huge blessing to actually change me and help me grow: I have been and am still being molded.

I am trying now to keep in mind, in whatever season of life I may be in and perhaps restless to move out of, that this beautiful time of close, personal relationship with the Lord where he can have free creative control over my life and is fashioning me will never be as profitable and abundant as right now in this season. I cannot rush the creative process and the molding from this season will be necessary for the next. Right now this time of waiting and being molded is a beautiful season when I can spend quality time with my saviour and be focused on him and only him, and on who he wants me to be and how he wants to use me (both right now and in the future). I shouldn't sell this time short or undervalue it because I am restless for something to change or I have a desire that can only be filled once I move into the next season of my life. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

And just like that, in less than a year, God performed a major miracle in my life. He turned me from discontented and broken into completely fulfilled, satisfied, and stronger than I ever have been before. I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be hard times and lonely times ahead, but I also know that these times cannot shape me or break me, because I am in the hands of a magnificent potter who is a stronger force than any of these things, and he is making me into something beautiful.

Waiting on God, Part 1 - A Firm Foundation

Throughout my last year, God has been gracious enough to do a lot of work in me. Much of it was not easy and a lot of it was painful, but he has completely changed my life around in only a year and continues to be at work in me. That is what I am most thankful for over this past year. My recent struggles and trials have lead me to seek comfort only in Him, and this entire year has had a theme for one major lesson: waiting on the Lord.

This is probably the hardest thing for me to learn because I tend to worry and am constantly trying to look ahead to what is next and how it is all going to work out. God has made me come into a deeper understanding this year of what it really means to wait on the Lord and to really surrender control to him and be trusting in him in every aspect of my life. It isn't easy and the lesson is far from over. I am afraid that God will be working on teaching me patience for the rest of my life. But as long as he is willing to keep trying, I am willing to keep trying to learn.

One thing that I noticed is God works through my restlessness. I always seem to get to a point in my life where I am restless and need something to change, and I try to figure out what it is that needs to change in order for me to feel happy and secure. At first it was finding a job, then it was securing my new visa, then getting a raise at work so I can afford to live on my own, and recently to find my own apartment. We will always have certain things in our lives that we are waiting to fall into place, and I think a feeling of restlessness is normal, as well as a feeling of disappointment when these things aren't working according to plan. But the only thing that truly gives me comfort amidst all of the daily moments of "I have no clue how this is going to work out" in my life is to trust that He does. His plan is in motion, even if mine isn't. And ultimately he knows best - much better than I do - what is best for me and is bringing it about. I can't see it, but I trust it, and in this trust I can find peace amidst being completely unsure.

I have also learned that normally in my life when I become restless, it is when God is trying to tell me something.

I know that my restlessness and my desire for comfort can really only be alleviated by Him. I know that I got a job, and am already feeling disenchanted by it. Once I get more money and a place to live, then it will just be something else that I want to change or some other thing that is making me restless. Ultimately I think that as long as I focus on some kind of earthly idea of comfort and security, then I will always be wanting and I will always be waiting. Perhaps that is just a part of life, that we will always be wanting and waiting for something. I don't think that in itself is a bad thing. But I think that how we wait, how we think and feel and react to the situation, that makes a big difference. And if we are so focused and so miserable without the thing that we want, then we are not only robbing ourselves of happiness and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding (which is an amazing gift from God), but we rob ourselves of a peaceful and wonderfully dependent relationship with out saviour as well. I think for most of us, the moments that we are closest to the Lord is when we are seeking him, whether that be to fulfill a need, to answer a question, or merely because we want to know him more. We only seek when we are not completely satisfied and fulfilled.

I have then also learned this year to worship in and be grateful for the difficult times as well as the good, because they ultimately bring me running to God and in turn help me develop a closer relationship with him. Although they can at times feel like a torment, these dedicated and purposeful times of waiting (although not easy) can actually be very desired, beneficial, and beautiful (which I will expand on a little later).

I realized that after this last struggle where I was selfishly focused on myself and my issues and trying to fill my restlessness, that I had let a blessing of the Lord become mundane. My job, the job that I prayed so hard for and for so many years, had become just part of my everyday, and it was no longer enough to keep me content. So my focus, thoughts, and prayers were on to the next thing - that other blessing that continues to elude me and which at times I think I can never stop wanting.

What exactly is it that turns elation and full contentment in a present blessing into mundane discontentment in only a couple of months? Is it because I was never truly happy with this blessing, or I am an ungrateful little brat? No (although I guess the second is open to interpretation). The reason is because any blessing the Lord gives us is never going to be fulfilling and enough to sustain us. Why? Because then why would we continually be before him and seeking him if we wanted for nothing? These moments of serious want and desire: for an answer, for a blessing, for whatever, these are the moments that bring us to our knees and bring us back to searching out God and trying to discern his will and his person. These moments are what help us to grow spiritually and mature in our faith and relationship with Christ.

I realized very quickly that this one blessing, marriage, wasn't something that I was ready for yet. Part of that had to do with a heart that still needed to heal, and another had to do with making it clear to me that even this blessing wouldn't be able to fulfill me. There will always be something more to want and strive after once we are given what we want. The only thing that can fill that hole and keep us satisfied is Christ himself.

"Waiting on the Lord signifies an expectant endurance that is demonstrated by directed, purposeful, active, and courageous attitude of prayer"

 Charles F. Stanley

Lessons in Waiting


While trying to figure out what it really means to wait on the Lord, I turned to my bible to see who in the scriptures had displayed this struggle in their lives, and I also turned to a book by Charles F. Stanley aptly called Waiting on God (which I highly recommend reading). Stanley had a lot of encouraging and useful things to say in his book, and walked through some of the lives of the biblical characters that I am about to list below.

The second person that I looked at was David and his long struggle of waiting as well to finally become king.This was incredibly emotional and filled with ups and downs along the way. In fact, David seemed perfectly poised to take the promise that God had given him shortly after killing Goliath. He had married Saul's daughter and had risen up to an important position in Saul's house hold; in our finite human minds, it would seem that everything had fallen into place and that David would assume the crown after Saul. But that didn't happen, instead David was forced to flee for his own life and spent years fighting to just stay alive. In these moments on the run and in hiding when he was perhaps as far away as humanly possible from realizing this promise of the Lord, he was exactly where God needed him to be. And of course, in his perfect timing, God brought everything about to fulfill his promise to David.   

And then I looked at Joseph, since I figured Abraham and David knew the Lords plan ahead of time and had to wait to see it come to pass, but Joseph had no idea what the plan of the Lord was. He was sold into slavery at the hands of his own brothers, and he too faced a lot of ups and downs. In Potiphar's house Joseph rose to a prominent position, and then we thrown back down again. In the jail he rose to a prominent position, but seemed to be completely forgotten about for years. Finally, when he was brought before Pharaoh to interpret his dream, he rose to his final position of authority. None of this along the way was made clear, but it clearly was all part of a larger plan - a plan that was much bigger than just Joseph. One this I particularly admire about his portrayal of faith is that he portrays so much peace and contentment or acceptance in the midst of such hardship that would make anyone else feel bitter and resentful; it is truly amazing. The other part is that he didn't dormantly sit there, licking his wounds and pitying himself; he was always at work and ready to be used. He worked hard and in every situation he found himself, he made himself useful and rose up to a position of importance or prominence. And God use him greatly in every role (I will be talking more about this element of service and a willingness to be used in my next post). 

• Your heavenly father is working in the unseen on your behalf (Isa. 64:4) 

• Don not be impatient for the Lord to act! Keep traveling steadily along his pathway and in due season he will honor you with every blessing (Ps. 27:14)

• The Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you (Isa. 30:18)

• Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary (Isa. 40:31)

• You will know that I am the Lord; those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame (Isa. 49:23)

• The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord (Lam. 3:25-26). 

• I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a hop. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart (Jer. 29:11-13). 

• Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Prov. 3:5-6). 

• Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid [...] for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you (Deu 31:6).

• The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psa 31:18).

First and foremost, the great man of faith, Abraham. Abraham and Sara were promised a child and their wait for the Lord's promise to be fulfilled was extremely long. Of course they did end up taking matters into their own hands and went ahead of God's plan, but ultimately God does honor his promise in the right time and according to his divine plan. There is so much that can be learned through this story of faith and waiting, even in their acting outside of God's plan and time frame and what that meant for not only their lives, but generations to come. 

The Promises of God 

Ultimately, the stories of the biblical characters above reminded me that when God makes a promise, he always fulfills it - "Not one word of all the good words which the Lord your God spoke concerning you has failed; all have been fulfilled for you, not one of them has failed" (Josh. 23:14). So here are some of the promises that I have been focusing on, and that I trust God has, is, and will fulfill in my life:

In the end, this year has taught me that with the right focus, waiting can be purposeful instead of painful. It doesn't mean we don't feel the pain and discouragement and disappointment, it means that we learn how to deal with it by focusing on the solution (Christ) instead of the problem. And if we keep in mind that it is all part of his plan, then we can't really feel disappointed about it for long. If we take comfort in the fact that he is working all things out for good, then we can trust in that even if we can't see how he is bringing it about. 

When we are waiting on God, most of the time we are waiting on the answer to some important question or for him to meet a specific need. But we are also told to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto us. There is a difference between seeking an answer to your question and seeking God. One is a self-serving desire, the other brings about a selfless desire to serve. However, the question that needs answering prompting the initial turning to God is where it starts. Seeking an answer to a question turns into seeking God in general and to knowing him better (or at least it ideally should). The more that we get to know him, the less we are plagued by the answer to this question and are more and more absorbed with who he is. It shifts the focus from self to him. And when our focus is on him, we cannot be disappointed and restless and empty: he is the fount of living water, quenching all of our thirst, whatever the source of that thirst may be.