Oooopppsss. Ok, So What, Move On. Life Goes On.

So here is something I have only begun to learn, despite the fact that some things feel hopeless, and that you have been trapped in a corner, you are never actually stuck.

Ever since I signed my modeling/acting contract, I have been feeling very stuck. I’ve felt like I had to give up on some of my other dreams (aka teaching ESL in Thailand), because I was committed to a two year contract and thus had to stay here. The main reason I did sign the contract, though, was because it offered some very good connections in the industry and I was able to secure a journalism internship out of it. So, it seemed like a worthwhile investment.

And yet, I spent almost every day since feeling like I made a poor decision and that it was a decision that has tied me down and has boxed me in. I now have come to realize that I was making myself feel that way. No one, unless they physically do so, has the ability to box you in….you do it to yourself. There is obviously something to be said about legally binding contracts, but there is always a way out of a situation and there is always a way, if you truly feel like you are meant to be heading down another path, to turn your life in that direction. This is not to say that seizing the opportunity to do the background acting thing was a wrong one; it most certainly wasn’t, because it is my primary source of income right now and I have made so many new media and industry contacts that it has been a worthwhile investment. Signing to an agent, however, who only deals with principle work and therefore isn’t getting me more background work to supplement my income…..and doing all of this when my real passion is to be writing, not acting, yes…that may have been a mistake, but dwelling on these mistakes and feeling trapped is a personal choice, not a reality.

Unfortunately for me, most of my mistakes often involve a loss – in this case a loss of money, but you live as you learn, and you learn as you live. I have been plagued for a long time by the haunting thought that mistakes change everything and that each mistake takes you down a new path and you can never really go back to the path you were going down before. I’m not really sure why this was in my head; perhaps I placed too much importance on individual decisions. All I know now is that this way of thinking is quite juvenile. I know that in some cases we do make choices that change our lives, and some of the bigger ones are things that we can never take back, but nothing dictates what your life has to be…it’s always up to you to further decide how you deal with a situation and what you want to make it into. Obviously something as small as a modeling contract is much easier to get out of than other life changing things, but I think the logic can be applied to whatever life throws your way. It comes back to the decision to be positive in the midst of negativity – being able to problem solve in the midst of chaos and find your way out of whatever situation you find yourself…this takes perseverance, will power, and a whole lot of positive thinking. Nothing in your life is ever completely out of your control; when life boxes you in, you simply have to try really hard to think outside of the box to get out of it. This is far from easy, but necessary in order to keep going; to thrive instead of merely survive.