Whatever happened to basic human decency?

I contemplated not writing this blog post because I was furious about this all day and it doesn’t really keep to the positive vibe I try to maintain in this blog…..nevertheless, I feel like it must be said.

Today was a particularly rough day. It started off fantastic – breakfast and chit-chat with my housemate is always a good day starter – and I was really excited to be going to the GUESS holiday preview. This is an event that I spent time in advance planning out my outfit for (in hind sight now wishing I had picked something different). Any of you who really know me also know that I never put time and effort into choosing an outfit….well, hardly ever. So, yes…I was excited.

No, this isn’t a story about me being made fun of for the outfit that I invested so much time into or anything like that; I wish it was that small. My traumatic day is much worse. I was heading to the bus stop and was maliciously attacked by a bug that decided to fly right up my nose. No, it didn’t just hit my face….it went right up my nose. So, I began blowing my nose to try and get it out, all the while coughing because it started to feel like it was in my throat, which lead to me throwing up on the side of the road (and trying desperately to not get anything on my outfit, since I put so much effort into it). Believe it or not, this isn’t the traumatic part; I wish it was that small.

While I’m throwing up on the side of the road, I saw a car drive past me with the driver clearly taking note of what was going on. Or so I thought. He most certainly took note of me. Once I was finished purging the unwanted foreign body from my own, I was walking back toward the bus bench and low-and-behold this car comes back around. The occupant was a younger male, could have been no more than 30, and he seemed to be asking me if I was ok. I said that I was and thanked him for his concern. He then proceeded to ask me if I could give him directions. The first place he asked directions to I couldn’t help him out with since I had no clue how to get there, so he then asked for a more general and well known location which I was familiar with. I stepped a little closer to the car so that he could hear my directions better, and at this point – after at least 15 seconds of talking to this guy already – I then realize that he was talking to me with penis in hand. I was being a kind person trying to help out, and he was being a skeezy perv just helping himself. I was so unbelievably insulted, violated, and just ridiculously upset. I backed away from the car clearly furious and he drove off. If I had been able to see his license plate I would have called the cops because as far as I’m concerned, that’s a form of sexual assault.

Yes, I promise, that’s as bad as my day gets. Can it really get much worse than that? The only thing that makes this story worse is that this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Each time this unbelievably violating experience occurs, I am in the most innocent-looking clothing too. Today I had on a long skirt that pretty much went down to my ankles, with a high waist, and a cropped white lace top with capped sleeves. Because of the high waist on the skirt there was no midriff skin really showing and the most you could see was some of my arms and my ankles and whatever my sandals didn’t cover of my feet; the time before I was even more innocent looking. Of course the fact that I look like a pre-teen even though I’m in my mid 20’s makes this even worse; these pervs are preying on young, innocent, and vulnerable girls. It sickens me to my very core. What is behind this desire to defile innocence?

I told one person this story today and the response I got was “that’s a price you have to pay for being pretty I guess.” NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! In no way is that something that should be expected or accepted. I keep on hearing this same issue come up over and over again and I'm so tired of hearing it: blaming the victim. It doesn’t matter how pretty a girl is, she shouldn’t have to expect and accept such lewd and unwanted attention. Just like it is never a woman’s fault if she gets rapped, no matter how she is dressed, and it is not the fault of the young black boy wearing a hoodie walking home with a pop and a bag of skittles that he got shot.

Oh yes, I went there. RIP Trayvon Martin, you are a martyr and George Zimmerman is an ignorant racist cold-hearted fool who, if he doesn’t get what is coming to him through the legal system, will most certainly have to watch his back because it will be the biggest outrage of this century.

Ok, enough of the highly political aside. All I’m wondering is, on what planet is this behaviour ok? Where have all of the good men gone? Where are all of the gentlemen? I’m not really expecting a man to come up to me on the street and tell me that I have bewitched him body and soul – although that would be fantastic! – I just don’t understand how it is possibly too difficult to merely say “hi, I find you attractive, here is my number should you care to have an innocent coffee with me at some point in the near future. The ball is in your court.” I really don’t think that I am asking too much here.

No, instead I get hot-and-bothered psychos who usually skip any form of talking and go right to personally treating themselves. Sick. Very very sick. I think I’m going to invest in pepper spray and make sure that if this ever happens again, the perv will NEVER do this to any other girl ever again because all he’ll be able to think about is the sheer burning for days that he experienced last time, and it probably won’t be just his eyes.

I guess all I can say is:

               

Where have all the good men gone

and where are all the gods?

            Where’s the street-wise Hercules

            To fight the rising odds?

            Isn’t there a white knight

upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and I turn

And I dream of what I need.

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night

He’s gotta be strong

And he’s gotta be fast

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light

He’s gotta be sure

And he’s gotta be soon

And he’s gotta be larger than life!

Today I Smiled at Buildings and Birds

I went to hand deliver my application package to the Toronto Star today. I’m sure handing in an application on the actual deadline date is bad form, but at least it’s in. Now I feel like all of that scurrying about and hard work to get everything together is behind me and I can finally relax. Well, sort of. Of course I’m still unemployed and this might not come through, so I have to keep looking for work, as well as remain anxious to hear back regarding this application. But at least it’s all out of my hands right now.  

I have to say though, I was feeling ridiculously sick this morning (probably my allergies) and it was such a rainy and miserable day that the thought of heading in to Toronto JUST to drop off this application package felt daunting. I was cursing myself that I didn’t have everything done sooner so that I could have mailed it in before the deadline and would have been free to stay in bed all day today. Oh well, that’s not what happened. However, I am now really glad that I went in person, because once I was walking down Harbourd St. coming up to Yonge and saw the Toronto Star building, I actually got butterflies in my stomach. This may not seem like a big deal….but I haven’t felt butterflies about anything for such a long time. Some people believe that butterflies are really just fear – in most cases fear of unrequited feelings, but fear nonetheless. I think that in some cases perhaps that can be true, but getting butterflies for me is a feeling of pure excitement and desire. Again, let me stress, I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. I realized in that instant just how much I wanted this. I felt pretty ridiculous that just seeing the building made me feel giddy, it’s not like I hadn’t ever seen it before, but somehow this time was different.

If that doesn’t sound melodramatic enough, I actually stopped before walking into the building, took a breath, and then proceeded through the turning door. Yes I know…I kind of wanted to slap me too. Weirdly enough, though, once I got inside I had this feeling that I just belonged there…..regardless of the reality that I had no idea where to go. I only once ever felt such a feeling of belonging to a place that I had never actually been to before, and that was when I visited Paris. With Paris it was a connection to the roots I was always looking for but could never seem to find. Today though, this was about something different; again this is going to sound melodramatic, but it was about a sense of purpose or destiny. I know I’m counting my chickens well before they hatch, and perhaps I’m waiting on what I believe are eggs about to hatch and really they are boiled eggs, but I’m ok with getting excited about this right now, even though I may be getting my hopes up. The way I see it, if something feels that right….in the end it can’t be wrong. Maybe I won’t get in this time around, but I know that I’m going to keep applying until I do. And maybe when I do get in, it won’t be at the intern level.

Or maybe I am putting a little too much thought into this. I’m sure if I walked through the doors of any Random House affiliate to apply for an internship position I would feel those same butterflies and feeling of belonging. Perhaps it’s not as much a feeling of destiny as it is drive, motivation, and purpose. Perhaps the reason I felt so at home is because I do belong in a place like that and for the first time I feel like I’m finally actually applying for and getting closer to work in my field. Yet again, maybe this is all wishful thinking, but I just have this gut feeling like something is about to finally turn around for me. This isn’t me being overly confident about my application; to be honest I feel like my portfolio is lacking and that there are probably several more qualified people applying for this internship than me. I think maybe this is merely a feeling of me crawling out of my emotional hole. Nothing has really changed except how I am feeling and looking at things. I’m too realistic to believe that just wanting something more than everyone else gets you it; if this were true a lot of things in my life would be different. But I think that with positivity comes change. So, will I be bummed if I don’t get this internship? Sure. But that was always a very high possibility. What I won’t do is get back into my bed and cry. On to the next, on to the next. Something is just around the corner. I can feel it. And I’m so ready for it. 

Oh yes I CAN have opinions on things other than my own issues

In the interest of including more journalism worthy material on my blog, I've decided to copy here the article I wrote for "Women Who Run It" magazine. This was written as part of the interview process - a long three week ordeal, at the end of which the editor and chief told me I "light up when I talk about my writing" and that I was better suited for a writing position (which at the entry level is ALWAYS an unpaid internship). A very frustrating but valuable experience.

Here is that article:

Mayer As Poor Working-Woman Example

AMANDA LABELLE

 

It is perhaps old news now of Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer’s Feb 26, 2013 edict ending work-from-home. Many journalists grappled with the implications, assuming that this edict was a motion to promote the rise of brainstorming and high-work efficiency within the company, while others critiqued the need for Silicon Valley to rise to the ever-changing workscape and embrace the advantages of telecommuting. Of course some focused on the general unfair treatment of the Yahoo workers and what this new decree meant for them and their livelihood. What I feel really needs to be discussed, however, and has so far been overlooked are the implications of Mayer’s actions for working women. 

Concern has been expressed regarding the fate of the current work-from-home employees and their loss of employment; however, some unprofitable political debate has arisen by centering this discussion primarily on women. This is not the feminist critique that is needed here and is in fact slightly insulting because it displays that our thinking about gender roles hasn’t really improved all that much in the last couple of decades. In fact, those work-from-home parents are increasingly more and more work-from-home fathers. Although this particular fact is not really news, as there has been a steady increase in work-from-home fathers year after year, it is a fact that has been overlooked in the current debate. According to Alex Williams’ Aug 10 2012 article in the New York Times, the once inconsequential number of American stay-at-home fathers has “more than doubled” in the last decade. Williams notes that according to recent United States census data 176,000 left the work force entirely to offer paternal care and 626,000 to work from home. Therefore, even if the stay-at-home parental role is still predominantly a female one, this is not the area which requires critique.  

Of course this is not to say that I don’t empathize with these men and women, I most certainly do; however, I feel the real danger or cause for concern is the pedestal that Marissa Mayer has been placed on. Leaving Google for Yahoo, Mayer became a poster-woman for the hard-working mother; a woman to be respected and admired. Yet this is not a role that was warranted or desired – Mayer, having blatantly stated herself that she is not a feminist, perpetuates unprofitable stereotypes of feminism and should not be held up as an example for women. 

Regardless of Mayer's stance on feminism, the real concern is that this “hard-working mom” returned to work a mere two weeks postpartum. I am an advocate for strong female role models with impeccable work ethics, but this gesture was none of those things. What this gesture actually aimed to prove was that Marissa Mayer, as a woman, had what it takes to participate in a man’s world. In publicly declaring that she would only take a two week maternity leave, the tough as nails Mayer was actually declaring that she is above the need for a maternity leave and that the importance of her work at Yahoo took priority over her maternal responsibilities. I want to be clear that I am not speaking ill of any woman’s desire to return to work and take a shorter maternity leave, nor that I believe these women are neglecting their maternal responsibilities, I am merely noting that doing so as a political statement is crippling. In making this statement and power-play Mayer illegitimates maternity leave and makes those who take full leave look corporately undesirable. 

What is most concerning is that this statement and her actions risk re-affirming the “motherhood penalty” within the work place. Since the emergence of forced maternity leave, women have been afforded more job security; however, if the social statement of female CEO’s is that maternity leave is illegitimate, then those who return to work faster will eventually be given higher consideration for work and compensation than those who don’t. Already making less than men and their female counterparts who are not mothers, the working mother is now doomed to a corporate stunt of having to prove her dedication to the job over family by shortening her maternity leave. This goes against all of the work put into fighting for maternity leave in the first place. 

Moreover, the fact that Mayer regards maternity leave so lightly also speaks to her corporate position. The only reason Mayer was able to return to work so quickly was because she had the influence and financial means to build a daycare beside her office. Therefore, her social statement becomes one of privilege and places the common working mother in an impossible position. It is an unfortunate reality that the ones who need maternity leave the most and who are constantly overlooked are the disenfranchised women who don’t even meet the legal requirements for leave in the first place. The underprivileged women who do not work at a company that employs over 50 people, who have not worked at a company long enough, or who have a position that does not allow them to log the necessary hours are not entitled to maternity leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA). This total disregard for maternity leave, then, on Mayer’s part becomes a slap in the face to mothers everywhere, especially for those who don’t even have this luxury. Laura Jennings (Roanoke College) speaks to this concern on the current state of maternity leave policies in her essay Feminist Theory and Maternity Leave: A Feminist Critique of Maternity Leave Policies in the United States, noting that “although some progress has been made with maternity leave policies at the international level, maternity leave policies in the United States remain unfair – tending to enforce rather than remove inequality in the work place” (3). Mayer, in her very public declaration, has indeed perpetuated this issue; her actions directly contribute to existing prejudices spurring inequality for women in the work place. By undermining the legitimacy of maternity leave and by making herself an example of the working-woman, Mayer pushes back women’s rights and throws the real everyday-working-women yet again back into a fight against the motherhood penalty, fair compensation, and continued employment.

Wow, When It Rains It Sure Does Pour!

I was trying very desperately not to freak out last night, and I think I almost pulled it off. The old me would have given up, gotten in bed, and have eaten an entire bag of Oreo’s while crying. Well, I didn’t give up, I did end up in bed with a bag of Oreo’s, but I only had three, and I didn’t burst into tears. I sat there, yes upset, but trying to figure out where to go from here.

So why was I so upset? I am trying to apply for the Toronto Star one year journalism internship program (the only PAID internship in journalism/publishing history known to mankind – or at least that’s how it feels). This internship has the possibility to be a complete game changer; once you have the Toronto Star on your resume, doors miraculously just open up. Unfortunately such a good opportunity also comes with a lot of competition, what worthwhile endeavour doesn’t, and considering I completed two degrees in English, not Journalism, I’m already a little behind in the race. I do have years of journalism experience, but that has just been compromised. How so? Well, in order to apply for this internship I need to put together a portfolio of published or posted work. Ok, good so far, except that the majority of my published work (the four years worth of work for Uncharted Sounds Magazine) is now all gone. I was contacting my old boss, Lisa (the editor and chief), since last week about getting my work. She informed me that she would look, but that the hard drives had been purged once the site was disbanded. Of course, she got back to me yesterday letting me know that indeed everything was gone. Ok, breathe…these things happen, but now pretty much my entire portfolio is gone. I decided after a 5 hour car ride back from Ottawa to make another hour trip out to Waterloo where my family lives because I was convinced that I might have a copy of my portfolio still at home in my files. I had Lisa print out the physically posted documents for me (exactly how they appeared on the site) a few years ago when I applied to the Star’s summer internship program years ago. All of that driving and being stuck in traffic just to discover that I actually do not have anything here; I just have my signed contract and the documents showing that this was indeed a real publication and that I worked for them.

So I’m back to square one on the UCS documents.  So how do I rectify this? Write a very heartfelt letter to accompany the word documents I still have on my computer and hope that they understand my predicament and consider me anyway? That sounds like the only thing I can do. Stay positive Amanda, it could be worse.  

THEN I get an email from the editor and chief of Fashion Weekly Magazine, my current internship, informing me that somehow they did not get my article submission. Holy cow you have got to be kidding me?!?!?!?!?!?! I was kind of counting on having at least the one article that has evidence that it is in fact published work, now that article is being held for the next issue or will be posted on the site but not put in the magazine. Sigh. Ok, fine. Another letter explaining what happened?

I’m trying to figure out whether all of these disclaimers show a person with terrible luck who is struggling and trying her best to get ahead and is therefore someone worthy to consider for this opportunity…….or if she just seems to not have her life together and is too risky to hire. I guess I just have to try it out and see which one they land on. Like my friends keep saying with their words of encouragement, “what’s the worst that can happen…they say no? So just do it anyway.” It really makes no sense to get so upset about things that are out of my control, and it makes even less sense to let those unfortunate circumstances dictate what I can and cannot do. And really, when the worst that can happen is someone saying NO, it’s really not that menacing.

What can I apply with then? After all of the word documents and disclaimers, I am left with my self-published book of poetry (which doesn’t really seem to count or be relevant for a journalism portfolio, except for showing a range of writing capabilities), I have academic papers (a conference paper and my MA thesis…..which again probably don’t really count, other than to show research capabilities), and I have these blog posts. Hmmmm, perhaps I should have been a little less of a venting idiot and considered that this medium could be a potential portfolio in itself. In hind sight, knowing what I know now, I might have occasionally discussed the latest news crazes like I have been doing via Facebook and in my daily conversations. Yet another instance of you live and you learn.

Here is where I succeeded over my panic attack. After the third Oreo I decided that I’m still going to apply because the reality is that probably everyone on the panel reading through these applications has been in the same boat as me years before: trapped in unpaid internships and trying desperately to get anything in their field and catch that break. It’s a hard life to willingly submit to, but I know that with perseverance and an incredible amount of unwavering will-power, once I do get that break it will all be worth it. This is what I want to do with my life. I strongly believe that if you settle for a job you will be miserable, but if you work your butt off and create a career for yourself, you have the chance to be happy because you are doing something you love with your life. This is not to say that everything is sunshine and rainbows once you land that journalism or publishing job. Obviously life doesn’t work that way and there are always things that come up that will bring you down, but I will never be the type of girl to allow my circumstances to defeat me and get me to settle or compromise on anything. Settling is a waste of my time, education, and talent. So, maybe my life is a bit upside down right now and maybe I don’t get this internship because my entire portfolio is a little circumstantial instead of hard fact, but that’s not the end of the world. If I don’t apply simply because I feel that the odds are against me, then I am not doing myself any favors. It’s like the audition I went to and completely failed at….the important thing was that I still tried. At some point these efforts will pay off. Until then, it’s up to me to keep investing.