To Thailand To Thailand

So apparently I suck at this blogging thing, since I never set time aside for it…..but here is yet another post.

The holidays were great, but insanely busy, hence the belated posting. Now that things have settled down I can finally tell you what is in store for the New Year, or at least some of my goals.

Before the New Year I was working retail and contemplating quitting my consulting job in the city due to the fact that I got hardly any hours and my boss was ridiculous. Well I did finally quit that job, freeing up more time that I could devote to my other job (equalling more money earned and saved)……or so I thought. Yes I’m not wasting time and money travelling into the city (a 2 hour commute each way on the train), but now that the holiday shopping fever has subsided, I am now down to very few hours. I should have seen this coming, but for some reason I didn’t. It must have been blind optimism. So, I am now looking for a second job to increase my income, but it can’t be anything in retail since everyone is slow now and no one is hiring. This should be tricky, but I’m going to get out there today with resumes.

Now….why all of this fuss over temporary jobs not relating to my field of study at all? I call them stepping stones. I have decided, after much thought and research, to go to Thailand for a year to teach English. The desired starting date is April 22^nd 2013; however, if I don’t have enough money to cover my expenses come April, I will have to postpone until I do. This is not a huge setback, as I still see it as reaching my goal eventually, just perhaps a bit later than planned.

At first I felt very stuck: OSAP started taking money out of my account early due to a paperwork screw up, my bank laughed at me when I enquired if I possibly qualified for a loan….I felt very stuck because everything was holding me back, everyone was demanding money from me….money I didn’t have….UNLESS I could get to Thailand and make money. I then realized that this was a prison of my own making through self pity. If you are tired of your circumstances and are hoping and praying that they will soon change…..YOU need to be the one to change your circumstances.

No…don’t worry; I’m not going to get all annoyingly philosophical here. It’s just a change of mindset that I have come to adopt and it has been working well for me. Anyway, so now that I’m going to work hard to get exactly where I want to go, it’s not a question of if, but when. I promise that when I do eventually get to Thailand, I will blog about my experiences every week, if not daily. It’s going to be a great experience and I want to share it with everyone. 

So that’s what is going on with me right now. I am trying to find any way possible to make a little extra money to finance my current dream; I’m already thinking of what I want/need to take with me and what I will have to leave behind, and I’m looking forward to an amazing year of enjoying the food, culture, cities, and of feeling like I’m exactly where I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing – and finally putting these degrees to use. It is an exciting time for me. Perhaps there will always be some blind optimism colouring my view, but I like the view right now and no one can hamper it. 

This is what's waiting for me....who wouldn't be excited?

Because I’m Me

So I have been MIA for a bit, as I have been sick and in general busy with work, or busy feeling sorry for myself. Ya ya, I know….boo hoo. But really, nothing is happening on the job front (although I was contacted about going for an interview for an unpaid internship with a magazine…..oh yay, student loans would love this prospect), love life front, or anything else really interesting, so I felt that I really had nothing to share. But since I don’t want everyone to leave…..not that I think there are many people reading my blog….and since I would like to finish what I started, here is yet another post.

Aside from all of my dreams and ambitions, the one thing that seems to be classically me is the way I continually embarrass myself unaware….and that has not changed. I have two instances for you that make me the quintessential example of Murphy’s law for embarrassment.

1      1. Ho ho hosiery

Beginning my new retail job (or really, let’s call it what it is – my imminent career in retail) I had a new look with my new job. Because this is a higher-end retail job, I am required to look a lot more formal than I have in the past. Bust out the panty hose! So….because I was wearing panty hose day in day out, I began to have runs and pulls in my panty hose and was reduced to fewer and fewer candidates that would not look sloppy on the job. For the record, I hate panty hose and I hate that no one has invented one yet that doesn’t snag or run. Or perhaps they have and I’m just too cheap to invest in them. At any rate, I have a bottom of the ladder retail job that doesn’t pay me enough to invest in expensive panty hose anyway. Nevertheless, I digress. So….where was I? Oh yes, ruined panty hose. So I discovered that every pair I owned had holes and runs except my thigh-high pair. You may see where this is going, but I’m going to tell you anyway. So I decide to wear this pair….this one and only pair…..to a job that requires me to stand and run around all day long. If any of you have ever worn thigh-high panty hose, you may realize that these should be primarily worn at a job where you will be predominantly sitting all day. And for good reason. In little under an hour of walking around, my panty hose gave way. I was awkwardly walking trying to keep the one leg from falling down, to no success. Luckily I was early for my shift so I was just walking around the mall instead of trying to help customers (that would have been worse and even more mortifying). However, the one leg did completely give way right in front of the hot mall security guard who 100% noticed and commented. I ran to Shopper’s Drugmart and bought a regular pair of panty hose and successfully made it through my shift without any more embarrassment. I can never look that security guard in the eye though ever again.

2       2. Ha ha hairdo

So….as my crappy job in Toronto is literally a big joke, I have started using my time more wisely. When I do have to go into the city, I make it worth my while by meeting up with friends and staying the night. Anyway, the last time I spent the night in Toronto I stayed with a loved long time friend and ex-roommate and had a great night going to see Midnight’s Children and in general catching up. Her new place, however, was quite small, but comfortable, but (and here is the important part) was lacking in mirrors. Oh yes….you definitely know where this is going. So, after showering the next morning I threw my hair up, got myself ready for the day, and we headed off to get coffee. Because we were in a no-parking area, I offered to quickly run in to get us coffee and then we could go on our way. So I did. While waiting for my coffee I notice a couple of people looking at me. Specifically a really cute guy who was taking care of his baby boy. What is it about men with children by the way? They look so attractive. Perhaps it’s the fact that you know they can commit and are actually parent material. I don’t know….but it’s hot. Anyway, I digress yet again. So, I’m trying not to think too much about the attention I’m getting from this cute stranger, and then I start slyly wiping my hand across my face thinking maybe I have something on my face. Nothing doing. I leave the coffee shop, give my friend her cup, and we go on our way. Walking through Toronto the whole day, these looks continue. People look, make eye contact, smile, and then go on their way. I start thinking “do I look good today or something in a way that I’m unaware of? Why is everyone so interested in making eye contact and smiling at me today?” After my entire day of walking around town, and meeting with a client by the way, a really big fashion design company, I finally get around to having a late lunch at a restaurant and finally look in the mirror. I have curled up hair on both sides of my head that look like little devil horns. Seriously!?!?!?!?! Could no one have said something to me all day about it!!!!! And here I was thinking that I must look pretty cute today or something, and everyone is laughing at my unfortunate hair situation. Ah such is life…..or at least my life.

So there you have it. Two rather embarrassing moments of my life as of late. Although there are many more (since these things happen on a daily basis for me) these were the two that presently come to mind. I hope they made you laugh. 

Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will.

So This Is Life?

I haven’t written in a little while because I haven’t had anything worthwhile happen to me lately that seemed interesting enough to write about. My days have been progressively more and more boring and I perpetually feel like I am still waiting for my life to start.

So the basic run down:

The guy from the publishing company never did email me back. Who says “I will contact you before the weekend and set up a time to meet with you next week” if they aren’t going to follow through? Again, I understand that people are busy and all, but this is the equivalent of telling children that Santa doesn’t exist…it’s building a dream and hope within someone and then throwing them crashing to the ground as you pull the rug from underneath them. Don’t act like you are going to give someone a shot and give them false hope if you really don’t have the intentions. But, again, I realize that I am inconsequential enough to know it would be easy to fall through the cracks unnoticed, even after a few follow up emails. Such is life.

And here is my problem. Life is completely overrated: your worth is very infinitesimal and there is very little on a day to day basis to get excited about. And then when there is something to get excited about, it usually doesn’t pull through. Sigh. While in school I felt that I had significant worth, there were almost daily reasons to get excited (and I know that receiving affirmation by getting good grades or getting accepted to present a paper at a conference are all trivial and nerdy to most people, but you can’t deny the feeling of worth and significance attributed to them). Anyway, while in school I never felt bored, always felt like I was accomplishing something, and always felt like I was going somewhere in life. Now that I’m actually faced with “real life” I feel like I’m going nowhere. There is no climbing of any corporate ladder. I can’t even see the ladder from where I’m standing. Did I take a wrong turn somewhere?

Everyone tells you that it will take time to get your break. I know it does, I guess it would just be nice to feel like I’m still moving towards something instead of standing still. And it would be even nicer to have a group of friends in the same situation as me, all of us going through it together. Most of my friends are already moving somewhere in their lives, whether it’s work, more school, marriage, children, etc. It doesn’t really feel like anyone else is standing still except for me.

But really, it could always be worse right? What do I really have to complain about? I do have a job, even if it’s not ideal. I just got another temporary job, at a retail store (I’m forbidden to use the name, says so in my contract). And I have to say I am thankful for this. It’s not what I studied to do, and I don’t need two degrees to do what I’m doing now, but it is what it is.

So this is why I say that life is overrated. It is what it is, and you just have to live with it. I’m dying for a little excitement, or at least some movement in some direction. Is that so wrong?