Because I’m Me

So I have been MIA for a bit, as I have been sick and in general busy with work, or busy feeling sorry for myself. Ya ya, I know….boo hoo. But really, nothing is happening on the job front (although I was contacted about going for an interview for an unpaid internship with a magazine…..oh yay, student loans would love this prospect), love life front, or anything else really interesting, so I felt that I really had nothing to share. But since I don’t want everyone to leave…..not that I think there are many people reading my blog….and since I would like to finish what I started, here is yet another post.

Aside from all of my dreams and ambitions, the one thing that seems to be classically me is the way I continually embarrass myself unaware….and that has not changed. I have two instances for you that make me the quintessential example of Murphy’s law for embarrassment.

1      1. Ho ho hosiery

Beginning my new retail job (or really, let’s call it what it is – my imminent career in retail) I had a new look with my new job. Because this is a higher-end retail job, I am required to look a lot more formal than I have in the past. Bust out the panty hose! So….because I was wearing panty hose day in day out, I began to have runs and pulls in my panty hose and was reduced to fewer and fewer candidates that would not look sloppy on the job. For the record, I hate panty hose and I hate that no one has invented one yet that doesn’t snag or run. Or perhaps they have and I’m just too cheap to invest in them. At any rate, I have a bottom of the ladder retail job that doesn’t pay me enough to invest in expensive panty hose anyway. Nevertheless, I digress. So….where was I? Oh yes, ruined panty hose. So I discovered that every pair I owned had holes and runs except my thigh-high pair. You may see where this is going, but I’m going to tell you anyway. So I decide to wear this pair….this one and only pair…..to a job that requires me to stand and run around all day long. If any of you have ever worn thigh-high panty hose, you may realize that these should be primarily worn at a job where you will be predominantly sitting all day. And for good reason. In little under an hour of walking around, my panty hose gave way. I was awkwardly walking trying to keep the one leg from falling down, to no success. Luckily I was early for my shift so I was just walking around the mall instead of trying to help customers (that would have been worse and even more mortifying). However, the one leg did completely give way right in front of the hot mall security guard who 100% noticed and commented. I ran to Shopper’s Drugmart and bought a regular pair of panty hose and successfully made it through my shift without any more embarrassment. I can never look that security guard in the eye though ever again.

2       2. Ha ha hairdo

So….as my crappy job in Toronto is literally a big joke, I have started using my time more wisely. When I do have to go into the city, I make it worth my while by meeting up with friends and staying the night. Anyway, the last time I spent the night in Toronto I stayed with a loved long time friend and ex-roommate and had a great night going to see Midnight’s Children and in general catching up. Her new place, however, was quite small, but comfortable, but (and here is the important part) was lacking in mirrors. Oh yes….you definitely know where this is going. So, after showering the next morning I threw my hair up, got myself ready for the day, and we headed off to get coffee. Because we were in a no-parking area, I offered to quickly run in to get us coffee and then we could go on our way. So I did. While waiting for my coffee I notice a couple of people looking at me. Specifically a really cute guy who was taking care of his baby boy. What is it about men with children by the way? They look so attractive. Perhaps it’s the fact that you know they can commit and are actually parent material. I don’t know….but it’s hot. Anyway, I digress yet again. So, I’m trying not to think too much about the attention I’m getting from this cute stranger, and then I start slyly wiping my hand across my face thinking maybe I have something on my face. Nothing doing. I leave the coffee shop, give my friend her cup, and we go on our way. Walking through Toronto the whole day, these looks continue. People look, make eye contact, smile, and then go on their way. I start thinking “do I look good today or something in a way that I’m unaware of? Why is everyone so interested in making eye contact and smiling at me today?” After my entire day of walking around town, and meeting with a client by the way, a really big fashion design company, I finally get around to having a late lunch at a restaurant and finally look in the mirror. I have curled up hair on both sides of my head that look like little devil horns. Seriously!?!?!?!?! Could no one have said something to me all day about it!!!!! And here I was thinking that I must look pretty cute today or something, and everyone is laughing at my unfortunate hair situation. Ah such is life…..or at least my life.

So there you have it. Two rather embarrassing moments of my life as of late. Although there are many more (since these things happen on a daily basis for me) these were the two that presently come to mind. I hope they made you laugh. 

Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will.