Are you missing out on life?

Over these past two weeks I have been using my time more wisely, mostly because I was forced to. We were switching over our internet/cable provider, so we were cut off. Not being able to watch tv or stream videos/watch Netflix was probably one of the best things to happen to me in a long time, even though I was convinced that I wouldn’t survive without it. It actually served to be quite an eye opener of how I spend my time, and therefore my life.

I can’t believe how much of my life I was wasting.

My Morning Routine:

During my morning getting ready for work I would usually listen to music, trying to get myself into a good mood for the day. Then, during my morning commute I would just sit there and listen to music. My commute is 40 minutes. That’s almost an hour and a half of time that I would pretty much do nothing with each day. What I changed was very simple, but it has made a world of difference. When I’m getting ready in the morning, I now listen to my German learning software. Then when I’m on the bus and the Go train, I go through my little German Lesson’s language learning book which conveniently is quite small and portable. Sometimes I do the same thing on my commute home, or I relax by reading a book. Mind you, I’m still listening to music while I do this (I have a brain that allows me to do both and not be distracted), so I still get myself into a good mood for the day.

My Evening Routine:

Before the tv abstinence, I would pretty much just come home, cook dinner, and then sit down in front of the tv to eat it…..and would get stuck there until I decided to shower and get ready for bed. This was a considerable waste of time. Now, when I get home I still cook dinner, but I get right on my TESL course. Just by taking an hour or two after work, I am quickly making my way through this course and am on my way to having a certification under my belt that might help further my career. Even if it doesn’t, the fact that I am now spending my free time learning (languages or new skills) makes me feel like I am accomplishing something…I’m challenging myself. I am the type of person who can easily begin to feel depressed about my life if I have no challenges and don’t feel accomplished. I realized that if I’m not feeling challenged by my work-life, then I must challenge myself in my personal life.

Personal life….that has actually been one of the most eye opening things of all. As I said in a post or two before this, now that I was on a regular work schedule, I was trying to find enjoyment in my free time and was finding things to do and spending time with friends and family. I cannot stress this enough….this is the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done for myself. My personal relationships matter to me very much and I am willing to invest the time in them. On top of that, I’m finding ways to do this that also engage other passions of mind, i.e. my creative side. I’ve gone to two Paint Nite’s so far, and they have both been wonderful. I get to spend time with my friends, but it’s not in someone’s living room watching tv or in a movie where we can’t talk, it’s in an environment where we not only talk and catch up, but we are actually creating something. Being able to engage in something creative is therapy for me! I am a creative person, so that needs an outlet. I also went to a cooking class with a friend this past week and that was equally a wonderful creative outlet and an opportunity to learn and create while also being able to socialize and catch up. Despite the fact that going out to these events can sometimes make me quite tired at work the next day, they are unbelievably worth it and I never miss an opportunity. With no distraction of tv’s, and meeting in an environment and for an activity that keeps our phones out of our hands and wherein we can actual engage with each other, I have never felt more like I am making good use of my time. Even today on my lunch break I was on facetime with a friend in Manitoba. You have to find the time for the people who mean a lot for you and for the things that give your life meaning, otherwise what are you doing with your life?

I was inspired to write this post because of a video (link is below) that my cousin shared on Facebook, one that everyone is probably familiar with now. I realized that it has definitely become a problem that there are so many distractions in our lives that we no longer effectively communicate and we miss out on things all around us.

How much of my life have I missed out on when I was at home watching tv? How many people have I missed out on meeting because I wasn’t in a certain place, or I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, or even because I was giving off this aura of disinterest (that I just wanted to sit there and listen to my music and not talk to anyone). I was on the bus yesterday and the bus driver talked to us and joked with us over the PA system the entire ride. Some people seemed put off by the disruption to their ordinarily silent commute home from work, but most people were delightfully surprised. An entire bus of strangers began engaging with each other in a communal conversation started by one person who didn’t care if everyone thought he was crazy. When did it become crazy to speak and have a conversation? Why do we not even want to make eye contact with each other? How unbelievably lonely is that kind of life!?!?!?!?!? I love meeting new people and having out of the blue conversations with strangers. I don’t want to be numb and merely pass through life…..I want to live life!!!!!

Me living life begins with me taking charge of it, actively working towards goals. So I decide to learn a language, or I decide to take a cooking class, I join a book club…..these are all very simple things that anyone can do, you just have to take the time to do it. I used to believe that I was too busy and didn’t have the time to do much in my life. Then I realized I have plenty of time if I cut out a lot of bad habits, like vegging out in front of the tv. There seems to be a lot of time in the day now, and the possibilities are endless.

 “time is a non-renewable resource, so it’s better to use it as efficiently as possible”

This is the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhbZJ_2zHco

Is That Why They Call It The Human Race?

As I was walking to catch my bus today to go to work this morning, I finally spotted the woodpecker that I have heard for days now. It’s funny because I always hear him, but I haven’t been able to see him. Today though, I finally caught a glimpse of the little guy. I was pretty amazed that such a small bird could make such a loud noise. He seriously wakes up the neighborhood with his little construction work. It was nice to finally put a face to the noise. I’ve always found these birds to be kind of fascinated. I also always wonder how they don't constantly have a headache, but I guess that's a different conversation altogether.

So why am I telling you about this bird? Well, for starters they are just really cool and I like that we have one on our street. But, more specifically, this is about time management. Although I am in general a punctual person and don’t make a habit of showing up late, there are times when I cut things pretty close. Last week I spent most of it rushing to get to work and then rushing to catch the train home. I hadn’t spotted my little friend because I was always running, in a hurry to get somewhere, I had no time to stop and appreciate the things around me.

This morning, however, I was early, so I was able to take my time. I not only got a chance to finally see the little noisy neighbour, but actually had a pleasant conversation with a neighbour walking her dog. There are so many things you can miss out on when you are running late. What is more, I just kept on thinking throughout the day how much more pleasant my day was without all of the rushing. I was in such a good mood and I didn’t feel anxious and I wasn’t upset at the person in front of me who just wasn’t walking fast enough. I wonder how much unnecessary stress, anxiety, and anger we bring on ourselves simply because we haven’t given ourselves enough time in the morning to get everything done that we need to. I even had time this morning to have a proper breakfast and a full cup of tea. That never happens!

If I know that a pleasant morning can change my entire day, merely by changing my mood and outlook, why do I not ensure that this is part of my regular practice? Is it really worth spending an extra 10 minutes in bed when the result is an entire day of anxiety? Definitely not. Although we can’t help running late and rushing from time to time, I’m sure that it is much better for our physical and mental health if we just slow things down and do them in a timely fashion. And really, the stress free morning actually helped me deal with the jam packed and at moments stressful day at work. Believe it or not, even once I was done work and coming home, I didn’t feel as utterly exhausted as I usually do. I think that once you take a lot of the stress and anxiety out of it, that sheer feeling of being exhausted from the day dissipates.

And even still, maybe I just had a good day, but I think I’m going to work this into my schedule. I could use more days filled with stress-free walks to work and taking time to look at birds and talk with strangers. I see too many people in the city looking so angry and worn-out all the time. Perhaps a simple solution (though not a cure-all) is just to better manage our time so that we can slow things down. Being part of the human race doesn’t mean we need to hustle and bustle our way throughout life – it’s a marathon, not a sprint, so we need to pace ourselves and take our time. Life is so much more enjoyable when you can just enjoy the moment instead of trying to catch up to it.

People, People Who Need People, Are The Luckiest People In The World

Ok, so perhaps it is just the coming of spring that is making me all sentimental, but I’m about to get a little gushy on you. I was walking and talking with a friend this past Sunday afternoon, discussing some of the ways that my thinking has changed over the years. One such vein of thinking had to do with the concept of needing other people.

I used to think that it made me a strong, independent person when I used to say and think that I don’t need anyone. Sure I never denied that I “wanted” certain people in my life, but to me to ever “need” someone was a sign of weakness; it meant that you couldn’t be whole on your own or complete in your own self – somehow your identity was dependent on other people. Even the tired and overly drawn-out saying “you complete me” that Jerry Maguire made famous seemed like such a dangerous concept to me: if your sense of feeling complete is completely dependent on someone else, you constantly risk being incomplete, dissatisfied, and walking through life missing something.

Well, perhaps it is a sign of maturity, or perhaps it is just life experience that has taught me to think differently, but I am now a firm believer that we DO NEED people, and this is not a compromise of self-resilience, it is a basic fact that makes us human. The ability to disengage and make it through life alone is really contrary to human instinct and is seriously lonely. We are social beings for a reason. And let’s not forget that we still needed two human beings to come together to create us in the first place and then raise us past the age of complete dependence.

So, this tough girl is – GASP – letting her guard down and recognizing that perhaps needing isn’t such a bad concept. I am coming to this realization not because I’ve “fallen in love” or some sappy ridiculous notion like that (c’mon, let’s face facts, I’m still too immature for that :-P); this thought has occurred to me simply because I have come to realize that I am just happier living a life with important people in it than trying to go it alone.

Aside from feeling completely off-course when I was working my last retail job at Calvin Klein, I also felt miserable because I was incredibly alone. My roommates hardly ever saw me because I worked a polar opposite schedule to them, I never got to go home on weekends to visit family, I hardly ever had the time to hang out with friends, and I never really extended work relationships past the realm of work. I would get up, go to work, come home, repeat. I had very little time in my life to accommodate other things. Well, that’s not entirely true, I had plenty of time, but never time that matched up with others and their schedules.

There is a part of you that craves human interaction….a part that makes you human. I am a very independent person and completely fine being on my own, but every now and then I still get that desire to be around other people. John Donne said it best when he stated that “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main” (Meditation XVII). When we do go solo for too long, the result is loneliness – I don’t care how strong and independent you are, if you’ve never been lonely, then you aren’t human.
 

This past April Fools I really discovered my complete appreciation for people. It was a small thing, but the office pranks (initiated by me of course – I thought we already established that I’m not mature?!?!?!) made me feel like an integral part of something. It was just an incredibly fun day filled with foolishness, true, but a display of appreciation and friendship towards others. I have been incredibly happy recently because of all of these people at work. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know all of them, even if only superficially, and their presence in my life is a source of happiness. I am also incredibly grateful for absolutely everyone in my family, because I don’t even know who I would be and how I would get by without them. I also am unbelievably thankful for my friends (both old and new), because they are also a constant source of joy in my life. Can I survive without any of these people? Of course. But do I want to? Absolutely not. The truth is my quality of life would seriously be diminished with the absence of any of these people. Life is just truly a lot more meaningful with people in it that you care about and who care about you. As scary as the concept is, my life would indeed be incomplete without these integral human connections.  

I am Painting Beautiful Flowers and Checking Things Off of My Bucket List

Despite starting the new job and telling myself that it’s a step in the right direction and that it has left me a heck of a lot more financially stable than I have ever been, I went through a bit of a rough week last week. I was getting over a bad cold (which never helps things) and I was feeling stuck and directionless again. I began to doubt whether this move was really going to help me, and I became restless. Obviously it isn’t exactly what I want to do, so there are obviously going to be moments when I don’t particularly like what I am doing. I have so many things on my bucket list that I want to accomplish, both career oriented and personal goals, and I keep on feeling like I am so far from achieving them.

Well, that’s my main problem; I am always so concerned with where things are going that I tend to miss out on the present. I spend so much time worrying about the future and feeling anxious about the fact that I can’t clearly see how I am going to achieve my goals and get into that dream career, that I make myself miserable on a daily basis. It’s true that knowing you have a problem and doing something to fix that problem are two very different things, but I am actively trying to fix it, because I also realized that life is a whole lot more enjoyable if I stop looking around at what others have or have accomplished and comparing myself to them. It is much better to embrace the good things about your present circumstance than to dwell on the things that still aren’t what you want them to be.

Often my problem stems from feeling unaccomplished and like I am not moving forward, mostly because I haven’t set any smaller attainable goals for myself. This past week I decided to rectify that. Yes, yes…..I want to get into publishing, and yes I’ve still been applying, but all of the applications lately all stipulate a minimum 1 year of office experience. That alone tells me that I am exactly where I need to be right now. So, once I accepted that, I decided to think about what other dreams I had of accomplishing that I as of yet haven’t. Two that immediately came to mind were getting my TESL certification (yes, back when I was sure I was going to Thailand this was at the top of my list), and I have always said that I would like to speak at least 5 languages. Well, why put off to tomorrow what you can do today? After all, procrastination is the thief of time right? I signed up for a TESL certification course that I am currently completing in the evenings after work, and I have acquired language learning software for French, German, and Italian. The first I need to brush up on, the second I want to keep practicing so I don’t lose it, and the third I just want to learn for me. I’ve been telling people how much I miss school and how much I miss learning, but the truth is that you don’t need to be in an institution to keep learning. Part of my restlessness and unhappiness too was that I wasn’t challenging myself, so I think these will provide a good amount of stimuli and challenge for the time being.

This made me realise a really beneficial perk to my job – having a predictable schedule. Since I know that I work the exact same hours every day, this allows me to plan to use my free time for other things. I’ve made more time with friends, going out and trying things that I’ve always wanted to: for example, my best friend Alysha and I went to a paint night the other week where we drank wine, talked, laughed, and created a beautiful painting. It was almost therapeutic for me, because my creative outlet has been non-existent as of late and the writer in me is starving for any form of artistic expression. This served as a nudging reminder for about the billionth time that I really need to start writing that book, but that’s another story for another day. To come back to the point I have rambled away from, having a set schedule has actually given me the freedom to fit more fun and fulfillment into my life, so how can I not be happy about that? Life, after all, is a lot more than work, and even when I do get that dream job, if I haven’t figured out a way to incorporate other things into my life by then, I still won’t be happy.  

Those are all things outside of work, but I’ve decided to try and challenge myself in my work too so that I am not so miserable about how I am spending my work hours either. On Monday I decided to challenge myself at work by simply enjoying my job for what it is, enjoying the people I work with, and kicking butt at my job. I am all settled in now and I’ve got a good routine going. I’ve also been only looking at the positive, and I’ve been a beam of sunshine at work, which I know everyone has noticed (especially after seeing me miserable and sick). Most of all though, I decided to use my work to create something to challenge me: I created a blog for my company. It gives me the writing outlet that I need and keeps me from feeling like I am not doing anything remotely close to my field, and on the plus side it benefits the company as well. I spent most of Monday working on it, and I have to say I am actually pretty proud of it. Not only will it keep me challenged and stimulated at work, but it will also add more news related writing to my portfolio; a definite plus if/when I apply to newspapers again.

Yes indeed things are looking a lot brighter these days, but only because I choose to look on the bright side. I still have people trying to put me down with their negativity on a daily basis, but to be honest….I hate being miserable. Things are good right now; there is really nothing to complain about. So yes, maybe I am overqualified and way too educated for the job I’m currently doing, but I am gaining the necessary experience I need, I am sitting in a financially comfortable position, and I am adding other things to my life that is making it more meaningful and worthwhile. There is really no stopping me from incorporating anything into my life that will make me feel happy and fulfilled: whether that is making time to write, to learn a new language, to gain a certification or take publishing classes, to take dance classes even, to do yoga, or just to spend some valuable time with friends having a good time. You can always focus on what isn’t happening, what isn’t going right, but then you are missing out on so much of your life and so many opportunities to be happy. I have made the conscious choice to be happy, and that is after all the number one thing on my bucket list. 

Finally, An Update

I haven’t written in quite a while, which is a terrible shame, but to be fair, the last time I tried to write I encountered some technological glitches with my blog, as so since I didn’t have the time or patience to figure them out, I just sort of let it fall to the side.

I hate when I let myself do that though. It’s not really that I think people are waiting to hear what I have to say next, it’s more of a fact that I need to constantly be forcing myself to write daily. If I’m ever going to get anywhere with it, I need it to be a well-trained daily practice.

I also need to stimulate my mind and awaken my creativity. Since my day-job now consists of a lot of data entry and repetitive clerical work, my brain is feeling quite starved for something stimulating and challenging.

Perhaps that is where I should begin: the new job.

My blog post that never got posted was on this new job. But I will briefly talk about it now. I am working as an administrative assistant at a recruitment firm. I’m essentially a glorified secretary, but I am also in charge of social media and I’m an in-house writer (which means I get to write reference letters, as well as edit and format resumes – not particularly stimulating, but at least it’s writing). It was actually pretty nice of them to try and accommodate my interests and talents into this role. In the interview even they mentioned that they knew this would just be a stepping stone for me, but that they would try to throw work my way that fit my expertise. They also mentioned that whenever I was ready to move on, that they would help me do that.

So, although it is not exactly what I want to do yet, I am very grateful to be working in a place with such nice people and I honestly feel like it can only go up from here (which I’ve said before, but I really do feel like I am on my way now). This isn’t a job I announce with pride yet when people ask me what I do, but it is giving me some necessary office experience that will add to my resume significantly. Plus benefits and vacation time are always a very nice bonus.

I’m finally feeling, financially at least, like things are picking up, since now I don’t have to worry about paying rent and bills, and I can FINALLY start paying back my OSAP. It’s not the dream, but it’s good for right now.

I also have plenty of downtime here, so I can keep looking for work in my field too.

There’s not much else going on with me. I miss set life (mostly the social aspect, although work on set is just fun in general). Every time my agent emails me I get this feeling of wanting to drop everything and run back to it, but I won’t ever do that. It’s time to grow up and stop playing dress up. Perhaps I will still be able to do the occasional weekend shoot though. We’ll see.

Speaking of socializing though, I am actually a lot more capable of doing that now that I have a set schedule that I can plan around. I have been making more time for my friends and going out and doing things that I’ve never done before, or never had time for. For example, I went to a painting class with my best friend this past week. It was so much fun and I loved the ability to relax and be creative. This open time that I now have in the evenings and on weekends is so important for me, because I know a lot of my unhappiness was stemming from a lack of socializing and fun. It’s always a secondary thing, but it is so important. It really keeps us functioning and mentally healthy.

So all in all I guess I would say that I’m in a good place right now and just taking things as they come and am excited for the next thing, whenever it may come.