I am Painting Beautiful Flowers and Checking Things Off of My Bucket List

Despite starting the new job and telling myself that it’s a step in the right direction and that it has left me a heck of a lot more financially stable than I have ever been, I went through a bit of a rough week last week. I was getting over a bad cold (which never helps things) and I was feeling stuck and directionless again. I began to doubt whether this move was really going to help me, and I became restless. Obviously it isn’t exactly what I want to do, so there are obviously going to be moments when I don’t particularly like what I am doing. I have so many things on my bucket list that I want to accomplish, both career oriented and personal goals, and I keep on feeling like I am so far from achieving them.

Well, that’s my main problem; I am always so concerned with where things are going that I tend to miss out on the present. I spend so much time worrying about the future and feeling anxious about the fact that I can’t clearly see how I am going to achieve my goals and get into that dream career, that I make myself miserable on a daily basis. It’s true that knowing you have a problem and doing something to fix that problem are two very different things, but I am actively trying to fix it, because I also realized that life is a whole lot more enjoyable if I stop looking around at what others have or have accomplished and comparing myself to them. It is much better to embrace the good things about your present circumstance than to dwell on the things that still aren’t what you want them to be.

Often my problem stems from feeling unaccomplished and like I am not moving forward, mostly because I haven’t set any smaller attainable goals for myself. This past week I decided to rectify that. Yes, yes…..I want to get into publishing, and yes I’ve still been applying, but all of the applications lately all stipulate a minimum 1 year of office experience. That alone tells me that I am exactly where I need to be right now. So, once I accepted that, I decided to think about what other dreams I had of accomplishing that I as of yet haven’t. Two that immediately came to mind were getting my TESL certification (yes, back when I was sure I was going to Thailand this was at the top of my list), and I have always said that I would like to speak at least 5 languages. Well, why put off to tomorrow what you can do today? After all, procrastination is the thief of time right? I signed up for a TESL certification course that I am currently completing in the evenings after work, and I have acquired language learning software for French, German, and Italian. The first I need to brush up on, the second I want to keep practicing so I don’t lose it, and the third I just want to learn for me. I’ve been telling people how much I miss school and how much I miss learning, but the truth is that you don’t need to be in an institution to keep learning. Part of my restlessness and unhappiness too was that I wasn’t challenging myself, so I think these will provide a good amount of stimuli and challenge for the time being.

This made me realise a really beneficial perk to my job – having a predictable schedule. Since I know that I work the exact same hours every day, this allows me to plan to use my free time for other things. I’ve made more time with friends, going out and trying things that I’ve always wanted to: for example, my best friend Alysha and I went to a paint night the other week where we drank wine, talked, laughed, and created a beautiful painting. It was almost therapeutic for me, because my creative outlet has been non-existent as of late and the writer in me is starving for any form of artistic expression. This served as a nudging reminder for about the billionth time that I really need to start writing that book, but that’s another story for another day. To come back to the point I have rambled away from, having a set schedule has actually given me the freedom to fit more fun and fulfillment into my life, so how can I not be happy about that? Life, after all, is a lot more than work, and even when I do get that dream job, if I haven’t figured out a way to incorporate other things into my life by then, I still won’t be happy.  

Those are all things outside of work, but I’ve decided to try and challenge myself in my work too so that I am not so miserable about how I am spending my work hours either. On Monday I decided to challenge myself at work by simply enjoying my job for what it is, enjoying the people I work with, and kicking butt at my job. I am all settled in now and I’ve got a good routine going. I’ve also been only looking at the positive, and I’ve been a beam of sunshine at work, which I know everyone has noticed (especially after seeing me miserable and sick). Most of all though, I decided to use my work to create something to challenge me: I created a blog for my company. It gives me the writing outlet that I need and keeps me from feeling like I am not doing anything remotely close to my field, and on the plus side it benefits the company as well. I spent most of Monday working on it, and I have to say I am actually pretty proud of it. Not only will it keep me challenged and stimulated at work, but it will also add more news related writing to my portfolio; a definite plus if/when I apply to newspapers again.

Yes indeed things are looking a lot brighter these days, but only because I choose to look on the bright side. I still have people trying to put me down with their negativity on a daily basis, but to be honest….I hate being miserable. Things are good right now; there is really nothing to complain about. So yes, maybe I am overqualified and way too educated for the job I’m currently doing, but I am gaining the necessary experience I need, I am sitting in a financially comfortable position, and I am adding other things to my life that is making it more meaningful and worthwhile. There is really no stopping me from incorporating anything into my life that will make me feel happy and fulfilled: whether that is making time to write, to learn a new language, to gain a certification or take publishing classes, to take dance classes even, to do yoga, or just to spend some valuable time with friends having a good time. You can always focus on what isn’t happening, what isn’t going right, but then you are missing out on so much of your life and so many opportunities to be happy. I have made the conscious choice to be happy, and that is after all the number one thing on my bucket list.